Minder fra Eriknaur og Bøvling
Vladimir's War. A fable
Oleg is a big, heavy Russian soldier who, on the tenth day, is forced to shoot at Ukrainian buildings inside Kiev. His aunt is Ukrainian, so his superiors have given up on pointing out his poor shooting ability. Two days ago a missile landed in Kosovo - not his, but it might have been an effective way to be sent home.
He freezes, his Russian mobile can't call home and the letters from home don't arrive because of bureaucracy. Now he stands and flails. Ukrainian Svetlana, fetching her sheep, takes pity on him and lends him a mobile - she has family in Russia. Another Ukrainian patriot brings tea, a third, who is a photographer, takes a picture that is used in the propaganda.
Vladimir is sitting at a long table and is about to cry with anger. He is terrified of getting Corona and his army is getting nowhere in Ukraine - his general had promised that they would be back after a few days. Now he barks orders at him: speak loud and clear when you report. The general looks like a little schoolboy - he dare not contradict him. After a few days, a Russian deputy general is arrested because he allegedly leaked information.
In the end, the Russian army leadership sees no other option than to list a small portion of Novichok into Vladimir's soup.
Dreams and utopias
Sleeps restlessly, short naps - afterwards I clearly remember a very short dream: I am hanging by my arms with a deep well below me and trying to pull myself up or to grab hold of a narrow edge below me. Wakes up. The day before I emptied the septic tank next to the bathroom.
Or: I see a psychiatrist, explain myself and he suggests I hold a lecture about my interesting ideas about stress, migraine, TGA and mania - or about Freud and Jung.
After a night of heavy rain, I dream that I go out outside in slippers and wade in five centimeters of water. Then everything is suddenly white with freshly fallen snow and I'm driving on the gravel road of my West Jutland childhood, where you can't distinguish between ditches, road and fields.
Soon after, I have been working with heavy tiles and dream that I break the greenhouse's stone tiles when I drop a heavy stone.
My utopia is a future hope for a union of Russia, Belarus and Ukraine – e.g. with Kasparov as president, Navalnyj as head of government for the Russian part, while Belarus gets Yulia Tymoshenko and Ukraine Zelinski as leaders. When I wrote something similar as a comment to a leading article in the Danish newspaper Information about the war, a reply came from a young hotshot. He complained that he'd had several comments censored, and when I conciliatoryly replied that my post was merely meant to be pacifist, he complained that I didn't take into account legitimate feelings of resentment towards Putin. I gave up explaining to him that my satire drawings (see below) were my comments.
Piotr’s War. Another fable
Piotr was not Vladimir's butler, but lackey and servant. In real life, he was Vlad's judo buddy from the happy boyhood days in Leningrad. Piotr prevents the general's assassination attempt as he can sense the faint scent of Novichok. They all get drunk and Vlad asks 'can you still rock me?' Easy - Piotr grabs him by the throat, but while trying to flip Vlad over, Vlad hits the long table right in the temple.
Piotr becomes president as a transitional figure, as neither the oligarchs nor the generals can find a compromise.
After half a year, Luka in Belarus has also fallen without Vladimir's active support. Autocrats and despots - like Trump and Bolsonaro - are bewildered when new Corona variants appear and they disappear just as quickly.
Sergei Surovikin’s War
General Sergei Surovikin called "General Armageddon" for his brutal action in Syria, appointed in October 2022, thought he himself could controla drone and almost succeeded - until it suddenly turned around and like a boomerang headed straight for the Kremlin…
Sergei Surovikin andValery Gerasimov
Vladimir Putin became more and more desperate and therefore he traded General Valery Gerasimov, who was already Russia's chief of defense, and the brutal Sergei Surovikin, who was allied with the infamous Wagner group, which the oligarch Yevgeny Prigozhin had set up. Gerasimov was appointed as the new commander-in-chief to lead Putin's "special military operation"
Battle of Tjernobyl
Putin fought the battle of Tjernobyl,Tjernobyl, Tjernobyl
Putin fought the battle of Tjernobyl
And the walls came tumbling down.
Luka fought the battle at Putins side,Putins side, Putins side,
Luka fought the battle at Putins side
And the walls came tumbling down.
Johnson fought the battle at Downing 10,Downing 10, Downing 10,
Johnson fought the battle at Downing 10
And the press came tumbling in.
Butja
Then they grow grain on an altar in Kiev.
Then they pour milk in anold cannon.
Then they stack firewood from poisoned arrows.
Then they plant rice on a lost bastion.
Then they play ball with innocent bombs.
Then they play hide and seek in an empty parliament.
Then they play chess with the tiny pieces
of what was once a great president.
Then they grow wine in the ruins of Mariupol.
Then they slaughter goats and sheep in a bank.
Then they drive around a Volga in Butja
Then they burn rubles and dollars and francs.
Then they sing songs about the people's happiness.
Then they sing songs about the people's sorrow.
Then they blow all parties a bit
and topples the last Pu'tin pampers tank.
Tribute to Inger Christensen and Pia Raug
The generals song
On the twelfth day of invasion
mister Putin gave to me
twelve tanks a'rolling,
eleven aircrafts bombing,
ten missiles flying
nine lances dancing,
eight rifles sniping,
seven destroyers barking,
six Novichoks drinking,
five golden swords,
four machine guns,
three Brass knuckles,
two bayonets and
one nuclear bomb in Berlin
Melody: Beethoven, 9th. Symfony
Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Mariupol,
wir betreten feuertrunken,
Putin, deine Heiligtum
Deine Zauber binden wieder
Was die Mode streng geteilt,
Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
What is Putin doing?
Monday, May 9, 2022. Russia's liberation day - what is Putin doing?
Now I have waited 9 days for Biden and Kofod to return to my naive attempt to start disarmament negotiations.
I know Putin is trying one last desperate offensive and that he wants to avoid a war crimes tribunal if he makes a peace deal, but after all it is the Ukrainian people who is suff ering now:
Here is my last attempt to get through to the New York Times:
"To the editor for your information: a correspondence with the Danish foreign secretary and with Mr. Biden.
Yours sincerely,
...
-----Original Message -----
From: ... To:udenrigsministeren@um.dk
Subject:Letter to Bulganin / Fw: Start 2 with yourself as Gorbachev
Dear Jeppe Kofod,
The email below to the Russian ambassador does not arrive, apparently because your government blocked all contact with Russians a little too quickly. Just too bad, Sonny Boy.
The background is that I got the naive idea that you must always be able to talk together - Putin because he is close to losing - and because everyone should be able to realize that a new disarmament agreement, a Start 2, is necessary.
So please make sure that the message reaches Putin as well.
Best wishes
...
PS. Letter to Bulganin is Osvald Helmuth's advice about the leaky roof where he wants to room a summit meeting.
Dear Mr. Ambassador,
I have just sent the message below to the White House. Would you please forward it to your government and Mr. Putin, as I think the two presidents should be able to make an agreement.
I have tried via the Kremlin web-page but my name could not be accepted, neither in kyrillian nor in latin alphabet!
Yours sincerely,
-----Original Message -----
To: info@mail.whitehouse.gov
Sent: Saturday, April 30, 2022
Subject: Start 2 with yourself as Gorbachev
Dear Mr. Biden,
You should make a Start 2 with yourself as Mr. Gorbachev and Putin as Reagan. I think that would be the only way to end this war.
Yours sincerely,..
Is Putin sick?
If you search Google for 'Putin demented', the brilliant searchrobot first finds a number of American pages with video clips that seem like satire - until you discover that what you are looking at is 'Putin demands'. Then you have to insert a Danish word and you get a single clip with an ex-KGB man who thinks Putin is demented - at the same time that he has 'restless legs', while others think he has cancer.
Putin'sAlzheimer Light
After Putin's death, he was autopsied. The pathologists found an aggressive, advanced organic dementia, which manifested itself in a strong suspicion of everyone - he ensured a distance of ten meters for fear of Corona (Trump's firm handshake must have been a test). Only his midwife and personal mouthpiece were allowed to come near.
Furthermore, he had developed - like his ideal Stalin - an overestimation of his own abilities and faith in Russia's endurance in a protracted war. In the end, he changed his major general like others change their underwear and showered his second in command and his ministers to show vigor.
